Their brain is instinctually reacting so anything that seems threatening will worsen the situation. But during these situations, your child isn’t thinking logically at all. You may think “ my child knows I’d never hurt them”. They need reassurance that they are safe. Once the fight or flight instinct is activated, it’s important to understand that your child’s brain is perceiving a threat. Yelling makes you appear threatening and will not help de-escalate a meltdown. Do not yell to be heard over your screaming child The only thing that matters in the present moment is helping your child calm down. ![]() ![]() Place all of your other expectations on hold, temporarily. It doesn’t matter how nicely, or assertively, you ask. Telling your child repeatedly to “stop” or “calm down” or “snap out of it” isn’t going to make them stop or calm down or snap out of it. But regardless of the cause, avoid making more demands during dysregulated situations. Sometimes too many demands can actually cause the meltdown in the first place. Once your child has actually calmed down, they may respond to this kind of reasoning, but mid-meltdown it won’t help. Often showing empathy will also make things worse.įocus on reassuring your child that they are safe, by staying calm and meeting basic needs. During that time, reasoning attempts are ineffective. When the brain is engaged in fight-or-flight, there is a perceived threat. It may be tempting to try to reason with your child but often that will make them angrier.Īvoid saying things like “I know you wanted me to pick you up from school, but I have to work late.” or “Your pink shirt is in the washer so I can’t have it ready in time that’s why you need to wear a different shirt.” When your child is having a meltdown, the logical part of their brain (the prefrontal cortex) isn’t working.ĭuring a meltdown, the fight-or-flight instinct takes over, the brain is flooded with adrenaline and cortisol, so they literally cannot access the part of their brain that thinks logically. However, sometimes it’s unavoidable, so, it’s important to know some effective de-escalation strategies as well.Īlthough some of these techniques may seem more like “what not to do”, sometimes our own responses and emotions do make things worse. The success rate of prevention is far greater than that of de-escalation. Ideally, you should aim to prevent meltdowns and outbursts. ![]() You can and certainly should set boundaries, tell your child “no” and discipline them you just need to wait until the forebrain is in control if you want those things to actually benefit your child. This is why during times where the hindbrain is in control it’s important to remain calm and ensure safety until the forebrain is back in control. (I have some free resources for helping kids (and parents) better understand fight or flight here. It’s like having an alarm system on your home to protect you from burglars but it’s so sensitive that it goes off any time a bird lands on your roof. When faced with true danger, if the thinking part of our brain was functioning we’d hesitate and/or try to use logic and it could cost us our lives.ĭuring a meltdown, often what happens is that ‘alarm’ goes off when there’s not a true threat. This is a primal survival instinct, known as fight or flight. It shuts down the thinking part of the brain and simply reacts to a threat (whether perceived or real). This diagram helps make it more clear.ĭuring a meltdown, the brain enters survival mode. A lot of parents question why I advise avoiding saying no, or trying to reason with a child during a meltdown.
0 Comments
Leave a Reply. |
AuthorWrite something about yourself. No need to be fancy, just an overview. ArchivesCategories |